Couples Therapy Haarlem

At the moment, your relationship isn’t going the way you’d like it to. There is enough foundation to want to continue together, but you keep getting stuck in the same (negative) patterns. You don’t know how to break free from this cycle together. Often, you don’t even understand why you react the way you do. What makes you so quick to feel angry, irritated, distant, or sad? What is really going on?

In my experience, the underlying issue is not always what you think it is. This is because our romantic partner can affect us on a very deep level—so deep that we aren’t even consciously aware of it. A romantic relationship often mirrors patterns from your childhood. These older wounds and patterns often come to the surface with your partner because no one else can touch you so deeply as the person you love.

By addressing your own pain points, you can develop a greater understanding of each other, learn to communicate better, and let love flow again.

• One partner has been unfaithful.

• It feels as though you’re “speaking different languages” and no longer understand each other.

• You often argue or disagree about seemingly trivial matters.

• You have differing views on raising your children, leading to conflicts.

• Intimacy has (drastically) declined, and you’re wondering if there is still enough passion in your relationship.

• There is a mismatch in your needs for sex and intimacy.

• You feel like you are investing much more in the relationship than your partner does.

• Your partner often makes you angry, causing you to withdraw or overly adapt yourself.

• You or your partner have feelings for someone else.

• You hardly spend any time together doing enjoyable activities.

• There is frequent conflict about your partner’s family. You feel like they always choose their family over you.

• You feel that you can’t communicate effectively, leading to frequent misunderstandings.

• After having children, your relationship feels more like running a “business,” and you’ve lost each other as romantic partners.

• You’ve grown apart and are wondering if the spark can return.

• You are part of a blended family with differing values, and perhaps the children don’t get along well.

We begin with a free introductory session of up to 40 minutes (online or in person at the practice). During this meeting, you can briefly share the challenges you’re facing and what you hope to achieve through therapy. Afterward, we proceed with 75-minute sessions.

The first session involves both partners to delve deeper into the issues you’re encountering. The following session is individual, allowing me to hear your personal histories. These histories often reveal how you react to one another and the emotional wounds you may have experienced in your family of origin. This makes childhood patterns more visible.

In the third session, I share my analysis of your patterns, helping you better understand yourself and your partner. By this stage, much clarity will have been gained, allowing us to quickly begin the process of awareness and change. Typically, only 5 to 9 sessions are needed to foster greater connection, warmth, and understanding in your relationship.

Let’s uncover what’s really going on so that you can experience more connection, joy, and love together!

In couples therapy, I work with (short) reflection reports that both of you complete after each session and share via email with each other and me. This approach quickly provides insight into and an overview of what’s on the other person’s mind or what they have gained clarity on. I also use various exercises and the method called ‘A Language of Its Own,’ which is a systemic approach utilizing Duplo figures and other materials. This method visually represents the internal and external realities of your problem. It helps generate new insights and facilitates the process of change, enabling you to come closer together and experience lasting improvements in your relationship.

Additionally, I incorporate my expertise in contextual approaches and methods into couples therapy. Contextual therapy explores the bond with your parents, potential generational trauma, (unconscious) loyalties, patterns that may have persisted across generations, as well as the next generation—your (future) children or grandchildren.

With my guidance, you’ll explore and understand what is truly being triggered in your relationship and learn how to transform this into greater understanding and love for each other. This will also have a positive impact on the next generation.